-For Laura Jean Sluder
My mother had a child a year before me. She was full-term and died the day she was due. Growing up, I often pretended that she was with me. When I was 18, I wrote a poem about her.
1.
My breath escapes my chest too quickly
For me to keep up. Pillows of clouds
press on me, pushing me closer. I am only seven.
I wish for time to undo the truth.
She was an infant,
Hardly plucked from the womb
and buried already.
The grass expands all around me,
stick straight,
like a fringe wall, and I talk to the sky.
Our private playground.
2.
I grew up the way life intends.
She grew up with me, but she’d never know.
I’m 18 now, I visit her grave
On her birthday. All around us; thick,
thick rosebushes bloomed,
spreading their petals like morose lyrics.
These are our protectors.
Her grave is flawless.
I lay flowers on the petite marble square.
She should be eating cake today.
She should be doing many things today.
The sky called to me in a silent song.
Today was her birthday,
but she would never know.
3.
It is still up there, our private playground.
It is still attached to a wisp
of a cloud, floating, floating.
Sometimes I can see above the swings,
Two little girls separated
before they even knew
one another.
Still, the vacancy is there,
clapping in my ears.
The stars give her an ethereal
body and suddenly the sky seems so painless.
She would be beautiful tonight.
I wonder whether you’re 18 now or whether you wrote this poem some time ago. In any case I find it very touching that you feel such a connection with the sister who died before you were born. Maybe you’re an only child and would so much have loved to have a sister!
When I was 43 I had a child who died in the womb after about four months. A year later I had a beautiful full term baby daughter who’s 33 now and had to grow up practically as a single child because her brother and her two sisters were already grown-ups by the time she was born!
By the way I have two grandsons who grew up being great fans of Dr Who.
From me, Uta, best greetings to you for a lovely Easter!
I actually wrote that about 10 years ago, so I’m not quite 18 anymore! I have a younger brother who is 5 years younger than me. Laura would have been a year older than me, I always wondered what it would be like to have her around. I still do at times.
Your grandsons sound like they have fantastic taste! 🙂 Hope you enjoy Easter!